Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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