absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
