I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
