Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
