Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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