take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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