i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
