watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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