He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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