So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
