i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
