In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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