call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
