Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
