I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀