Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My Higher Power is John Stamos
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...