fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.