I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.