Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize