I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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