Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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