I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
