Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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