Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
