I want to make a zoo with you.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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