Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
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