i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize