I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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