There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
