tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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