Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
