My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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