The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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