You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
