remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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