Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
