somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sext me about skeletons
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
