We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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