I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
