Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
