But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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