I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he shaved USA in his pubs
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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