girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
