no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
