Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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