I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
