How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
