My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
