i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
