Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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