? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
