I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
