i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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