is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
