Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I wear drunk well.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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