worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
