the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
