I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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