Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
