Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
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So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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