4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
