Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
