WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
