you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
