haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
