after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
