best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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