Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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