sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
