I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
