I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
