The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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