You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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