This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
