i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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