my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
