I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
