so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
