It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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