i just had sex bonerless
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
