Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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