Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
