You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
