so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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