Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
