Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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