I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
