Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
