Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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